Seeking God

It was about this time last year that I attended a (very) small ladies weekend retreat. When I say small, I mean it. There were only about 13 of us in a big open and cold YMCA cabin. We were 13 women from very different walks of life and we all had a story. We all had junk. Baggage.

A friend who was with me likened our group to a Dr. Phil house, where we're all messed up and all trying to get help. While I laughed at the image, I felt that it was very accurate. We were in very different stages of our story. Some had issues with sexual abuse and immorality in youth, some had husbands who strayed, some saw death much closer and real than they should when they were a teen. Scary, heavy stuff.

The topic of the weekend was facing our fears. Before we met as a group, we never thought the fears we faced were also the same fears faced by other women.

At this weekend retreat, I was asked to lead a morning devotion. I was scared to death! My initial reaction was NO, I am so not qualified to lead anyone in biblical discussion. I did not know enough to speak intelligently. Many of the women present went to bible college and had theological backgrounds. Here I was, a girl who did not grow up in church, who did not read my bible, who knew nothing that I could share with those who were (are) much smarter than me.

I am so glad I did not listen to me. I prayed about leading the devotion. I asked God if I was good enough to speak about His word. Over several days and many prayers I had this one verse that kept coming to mind. I mean, this verse would not go away. It popped into my head at random times and I knew that this is what God wanted me to share with these women.

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:13

This verse, of course, comes after the ever familiar Jeremiah 29:11 "I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you.... " I love that verse, but there is something about reading on a little further that I love so much. 

The words of Jeremiah 29:13 remind me that God is there and waiting, but He wants my whole heart. He doesn't want, nor does he deserve, my leftovers. I am a busy mom, wife, employee, friend. I should not let those things interfere with my need and desire to fully seek God. He has plans for me, yes, but those plans will only be revealed when I seek His face with all my heart. I can't do this life on my own. I fail, but in seeking Him, I will succeed. Mind you, it will be success by His standards, not the worlds, and I am ever so thankful for that. 

I closed my devotion time with this verse. I think that this is the reward we get in seeking God with all our heart.

"I have sought your face with all my heart; be gracious to me according to your promise." Psalm 119:58

I am glad that I stepped out of myself and shared with others. I didn't feel qualified, but God saw to it that I was prepared.