My mask

So, when you do a post about how good things are in your life, it happens.

Things that were once smooth become rough. Where there was joy, there is strife. When you give others your smile, you feel like screaming on the inside. When those around you see your mask and think all is well, you know that it is not.

I have been in this place for a couple weeks, and I want to take off this mask. I feel anger and bitterness over things that I have no control over. I am looking for joy and peace in places that I will not find it. I serve a God who is hunting me down and all but taking me captive for my attention. Every place I look, I see God telling me not to seek comfort in any place but His arms. I am so ready to be there.

" Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me."  Psalm 51:10-11

In my past posts, I talked about seeking rest. I am thankful that God searches me and then I feel conviction for my heart. I am thankful for open arms. I am thankful that I can write my heart and that His mercies are new every morning. In my head, I see a choir of robed cucumbers singing, "My God is a God of second chances." If you have little ones, you may have seen the VeggiTales movie Jonah. 

Remember me telling you that my church has a sermon series entitled Masquerade? Today, it concluded. It broke my heart and I am grateful. The message today was about relationships and it was taught by Dr. Les Parrott.  Have you heard of him? Great speaker. He spoke words that were meant for me and me alone, I am sure.

"We refuse to wear masks and play games. We don't maneuver and manipulate behind the scenes... Rather, we keep everything we do and say out in the open..." 2Corinthians 4:2 

Because of this above verse, I feel it to necessary to be honest with you about where I am instead of writing  fluff. I hope that is ok with you.